Thursday, 10 September 2009

the 20's


Hello where were the pessimists when I needed them!!!! No one told me that my 20's were gonna be so confusing and hard also they aint getting any easier!! Please someone tell me that it gets easier!! They told me they go fast and boi are they but no one told me about this struggle I thought going to university would make it easier for me!!!!

First off trying to figure out a career path that you want to be on (I went through three years of university completed my degree and didn’t know what I wanted) it’s now been 2 years since I have graduated and I’m still confused!!! I’m working in retail as a manager (I aint no student bum) in a store where I use to work while I was at university but this really aint where I want to spent the next 40 years of my life!!! Please don’t tell me I’m the only one!!!! The careers I want to do now I can’t because I can’t afford to go back to university to do a teaching PGCE and the other is a personal trainer and you better believe I don’t have 3 grand lying round to pay for that!!!!!!!

Secondly moving out - stressful - am I the only one who knew the oldies paid for so much man I used to help round the house and we all chipped in for bills and stuff because you better believe I didn’t come from any rich family or rich area!!! This council area I grew up in and in Asian households its common for everyone to help out buy food pay bills split bills etc etc... That’s all part of growing up and that was easy man (well it was tough then) but compared to now oh my days!!!!! Trying to kit the flat out is costing a bomb and you know I aint good with my paper!!!!! Homeboi spend like there is no tomorrow!!!!! (Sorry the ghetto lingo is coming out lol)!!!

Then also the arranged marriage thing that I’m cool with had all my life to get used to the fact it was gonna happen. I’m ok with it but there is a month left and its getting scary that I’m gonna be married man!!!! Exciting too as it’s a new chapter in my life but serious man I’m gonna have a wife who I don’t really know!!!! It’s scary but I’m gonna put the effort it as it’s gonna affect a big part of my life the cultural differences and all but hey we'll cross that bridge when it comes.

Then juggling all this and my social life - the bickering amongst my friends is getting annoying I cant keep on being the peacemaker I think I’m going to officially retire of that post!!!! Life to short for wars and fixing them I’m just going to enjoy my time!!!! Back to the juggling - IT’S HARD - and I’m a broke 20 something with all my student loans to pay and in a job I don’t really want to be doing!!!! Is this why older folk depressed because they got caught in the trap well u better believe I’m going to find how to free myself!!!! I will suffer hardship and focus on that future that I can see boi!!!! Aint no stopping me!!!!!!!! and more importantly anyone looking for bar staff cause my manager job don’t pay enough I am able to work two jobs did it all through university so holla at you boi lol!!!!!!

Thursday, 6 August 2009

the tears that flow

After a night out I drove me and my friends to one of their houses and we went in to continue the night. They continued drinking and I was the only one who didn’t drink (being Muslim I’m not allowed), we went onto a conversation about abusive relationships, then these ladies, one Irish middle aged and the other English in her late twenties explained how they had previously been in abusive relationships (I have always found it hard to comprehend why women stay in these relationships).

Emotions got the best of them as they spoke of these relationships and you could still see the pain these women had suffered in their eyes and tears were flowing. I am a blunt person at times and I was telling them that I thought they were stupid to have stayed in these types of relationships. I told them I live by the motto once, shame on him, twice, shame on him, three times, shame on you. These were two strong independent women, who you could never picture staying in a relationship where men beat them, maybe these bad relationships was where they got their strength from.

They then began to explain how these men had control over them; how they made them feel wonderful, how they made them feel no one else would have them. How can a man have such control? I could never imagine doing this to a woman. They said one day they would be battered black and blue and would cover scars from their families and friends, worse for me was how they mentally felt trapped. I found it hard to comprehend, but these men had a hold over them mentally and abused them physically. The younger of the two also went onto say how her mother sided with her abusive partner, which for me was mad. The Irish ladies now partner was also there and he sat listening and like me could not comprehend why she stayed. They finally found the courage to leave to run away, but it got me thinking about how many women and men haven’t left their abusive partners for many reasons and how neither of these two men was ever punished for their sins. Also if these relationships have kids imagine the negative effects on them and their future relationships. I used to read about these relationships all the time but to actually hear women who I have known for many years and am close to tell these stories was different.