Thursday, 6 August 2009

the tears that flow


After a night out I drove me and my friends to one of their houses and we went in to continue the night. They continued drinking and I was the only one who didn’t drink (being Muslim I’m not allowed), we went onto a conversation about abusive relationships, then these ladies, one Irish middle aged and the other English in her late twenties explained how they had previously been in abusive relationships (I have always found it hard to comprehend why women stay in these relationships).

Emotions got the best of them as they spoke of these relationships and you could still see the pain these women had suffered in their eyes and tears were flowing. I am a blunt person at times and I was telling them that I thought they were stupid to have stayed in these types of relationships. I told them I live by the motto once, shame on him, twice, shame on him, three times, shame on you. These were two strong independent women, who you could never picture staying in a relationship where men beat them, maybe these bad relationships was where they got their strength from.

They then began to explain how these men had control over them; how they made them feel wonderful, how they made them feel no one else would have them. How can a man have such control? I could never imagine doing this to a woman. They said one day they would be battered black and blue and would cover scars from their families and friends, worse for me was how they mentally felt trapped. I found it hard to comprehend, but these men had a hold over them mentally and abused them physically. The younger of the two also went onto say how her mother sided with her abusive partner, which for me was mad. The Irish ladies now partner was also there and he sat listening and like me could not comprehend why she stayed. They finally found the courage to leave to run away, but it got me thinking about how many women and men haven’t left their abusive partners for many reasons and how neither of these two men was ever punished for their sins. Also if these relationships have kids imagine the negative effects on them and their future relationships. I used to read about these relationships all the time but to actually hear women who I have known for many years and am close to tell these stories was different.

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